TALKING DOGS.

The neighborhood is full of dogs. You know how, far more often than cats, dogs will shoot you a glance that stops you in your tracks? Dogs store an amazing amount of human understanding in their gazes. must be something in the shape of their eyes, or the slow movement of their heads, but I really do get "messages" from dogs every now and again. I know how David Berkowitz must have felt - before the murders and prison and and and.

However, unlike most delusional schizophrenic dog-to-human communications, I generally find that dogs are not necessarily instructing me to do their bidding (thank goodness because I have a lot to do and, as I mentioned, my neighborhood is full of dogs). The messages are declarations, rhetorical questions or, most often, simple pleas for understanding. Here is what the dogs told me today:

SLIM SHAGGY: "This muzzle has compromised my joy."

ADMIRAL WOLFINGTON: "Barking at strangers is my way of sublimating my own self-loathing."

SISSY FOOTWETTER: "I didn't ask for any of this."

ANTON FINSTER MCDOGGLEDEERING III: "I sometimes dream of killing my master in his sleep."

TANGO: "What's with all these miniature dogs lately? They give me the creeps."

S.S. DARWIN: "No, I didn't pick this sweater out myself."

JOWLSIE: "nice ass."

KIKI LA FRENCH: "Jadis, si je me souviens bein, ma view était un festin où s'ouvraient tous les coeurs, où tous les vins coulaient."