Sometimes I speak too much in the superlative, which causes me to second-guess myself. ("Should I really have said calfouti is my favorite custard-based dessert? Is that going to come back to haunt me?") To remedy this, I've gotten really specific in my rankings. Over the weekend, while speaking with my optometrist, I steered the subject of conversation (away from women he's trying to date and the foibles of his dog) to The Feelies and their imminent reunion this summer. He asked if I really like the band, and I replied, "Absolutely. They're my fourth favorite band of all time!" I guess this is like small children giving their ages in quarter-years ("I'm four and three quarters, biatch!" etc.) but it's important for me to accurately represent myself. For instance:

FAVORITE BANDS (IN DESCENDING ORDER)

1. The Pixies
   
2. Velvet Underground
   
3. Led Zeppelin
   
4. The Feelies
   
5. Eric B. & Rakim
   
6. The Wedding Present
   

FAVORITE DOGS (IN DESCENDING ORDER)

1. French Bulldog
   
2. Pug
   
3. Golden Labrador with faded bandana around its neck
   
4. Boston Terrier
   
5. Basset Hound
   
6. Pit Bull with all teeth removed
   
7. Anything overweight
   

LEAST FAVORITE DOGS (IN DESCENDING ORDER)

1. Corgi*
   
2. Standard Poodle
   
3. Miniature Collie
   
4. Chow Chow
   
5. Any dog with a silky ribbon in its long, idiotic hair
   

FAVORITE SANDWICHES (IN DESCENDING ORDER)

1. Banh mi
   
2. Pulled pork with cole slaw
   
3. Chicken salad, bacon, lettuce & mustard on wheat bread (from Eisenberg's in NYC)
   
4. The "magic sandwich" - turkey, mayonnaise, tomato, avocado, and fresh pepper on toasted sourdough bread
   

LEAST FAVORITE DINNER OPTIONS

1. shit on a shingle (this is what my mother would offer if i asked her what we were having for dinner more than once, thereby trying her patience.)
   

*exceptions include: corgi with wheel legs and corgi sleeping on back