(I will never type long entries directly into Movable Type again. I just began what might have been my greatest site entry – filled with erotic secrets, universal truths, shame, regret, and a good anecdote about farting – and my stupid fingers closed the browser down, crushing all of my words with it. Aw, crap. Well, you can always go here instead. At least Cloud knows how to be consistently good.)

[And yes, by writing a post today that serves no other purpose than to publicly apologize for not writing a post today, I realize I have turned the corner from "online content producer" to "pathological, self-delusional online journal-keeper." I've jumped the shark here. Ted McGinley is going to co-author my posts from now on.]