Today, on my way back from the gym (brag) with a large chicken, black bean, and melted cheese sandwich tucked under my arm (previous brag undone!), I passed some zany store that sells items for very young children. Colorful socks, froggy slippers, and gigantic painful-looking electric suction cups that attach to mommy's nipples. (because why should babies have all the fun?)

The shop was closed but something in the storefront display caught my eye. Featured prominently in the window, behind an adorably hard steel security gate, was some sort of activity book for kids. It was titled, "HERE'S FUN!!". That's quite a promise. It made me pause for a moment because I couldn't help thinking, Man, I wish I had that kind of confidence. Then I waddled home, tearfully, and ate my whole sandwich in one fat asshole bite.