Kill Bill was just released nationally today and, with the exception of a few cases of early unbridled adulation from film-geek journalists that felt more like literary pre-cum than incisive critique, the reviews have been uniformly unkind. Here is a sample of sound bites from the critics:

"Kill Bill jitters, dances, and performs colorful backflips, not unlike a brightly painted crap on an electrified floor."

"My favorite moment of Kill Bill did not occur until the very end. It was just as the credits began to roll, when the gentleman in front of me hurled a large cup of Pepsi at the screen and shouted, 'That movie ate a dick sandwich with a side of balls! Fucking fuck you, Tarantino!' "

"After stepping out of the theater, I immediately drove to the ASPCA and adopted a puppy - a gorgeous, playful Black Labrador mix. I named him Here's What I Think of Kill Bill, and then murdered him with a salad fork out in the parking lot."

"I've seen more exhilirating martial arts in an episode of Hong Kong Phooey."

"...more like Kill Me...please."

"Tarantino may be the next Tarantino."

"A black kid stole my seat and when I explained that I was going to alert theater management, he threatened to wait for me after the film and choke me in front of my wife. With good conscience, I can recommend neither this film nor black people."

"Tarantino's casting of Travolta in Pulp Fiction was, without question, inspired. His casting of the animated character 'Ziggy' as Shogun master, 'Shovelnose,' was borderline reprehensible."

"I fear this movie will reflect poorly on ninja assassins for many years to come."