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Exhibit c004: DISCIPLINE AND ORDER, PART II At the advice of a friend, I procured a water-spraying
device to better discipline my cats. I was told that traditional methods
of punishment like yelling at the top of your lungs or sitting on the
kitchen floor, weeping, are often ineffectual with cats. Spraying water
(accompanied by a sharp tone) will teach the cat a lesson and, because
the water seems to be coming from an unknown, "godlike" source
the cat will not attribute the action to you. (this helps you conveniently
circumvent resentment - one of the chief elements in the makeup of the
feline personality.) Not realizing "water-spraying device" actually
means a small spray bottle or the like, I immediately ran out and purchased
a gigantic hot pink Super Soaker knock-off at the local Pakistani-managed
We Are Having Everything Please variety store. This gun holds one metric
ton of water and can knock a coked-up terrorist unconscious from 50
feet, but it can't keep Ble (who, as of this writing, weighs approximately
18 ounces soaking wet) from walking on my computer keyboardtttttttt]['.
(see?) There is nothing more demeaning and doubt-raising than catching this reflection in the bathroom mirror – a thirty year-old man, out of breath, dressed in a bathrobe and armed with a two-foot long fuchsia squirt gun. |
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